Cantor Arik Wollheim

Congregation Agudath Sholom
301 Strawberry Hill Ave
Stamford, CT 06902
(203)-358-2200

www.cas-stamford.org

Friday, November 20, 2009

Shalom From Jerusalem

Shabbat Parashat Toldot Kislev 3 5770 November 20, 2009
 
Shalom,
 

In the beginning of this week's parasha, "Toldot" we read about Yitzchak praying to God on behalf of his wife Rebecca, because she was barren.  This may have been one of the first examples of a unique personal prayer, said on behalf of another.  Yitzchak's prayer was ultimately answered in a positive way.  But what does this concept of interceding for another person with God, ultimately mean to the individual  who prays, or is the object of prayer?   Our siddur is complete and all encompassing of codified, set prayers; so when and under what circumstances do we personalize prayers, and what effect do those prayers really have?
 
In the silent Amidah, in our weekday service, there is an optional addition to the blessing for a speedy and complete recovery, the bracha of refa'einu. The two line text includes a special request for the recovery of a particular loved, and there is a blank to be filled in with the patient's Hebrew name.  Adding on to the prayers of the Amidah is not a new idea; There are other portions of the Amidah where we are even encouraged to add personal prayers or requests, such as the passage which includes the bracha of "shma koleinu" or after "sim shalom."  In fact, the prayer "Elohai netzor" which comes at the end of the Amidah is the personal prayer of Mar, the son of Ravina, according to the Talmud.

The insertion of personal requests in our formal prayers, has actually become a common practice in the last few years. Today, one can find a specific prayer for just about any topic.  Many of them are also published in special volumes based on theme.  The recitation of personal prayers is a very ancient practice and some of those prayers are attributed to our greatest rabbis of the past.  However, it is the exposure and the extensive use of this practice that has grown significantly.  

Before the formatting of our prayers was finalized, those who added personal prayers kept this practice private.  Hundreds of years later, endorsed by the Chassidic movement, the practice made a comeback and grew in popularity.  Today, the number of those additional prayers per cause is overwhelming, and the sense is that the more you say, in sheer volume and intensity, the better it is. 
 
I personally think that the tefilot set forth in our siddurim, include everything that would be necessary for our well being.  Nevertheless, several times during the last few years, I found myself saying the prayer on behalf of sick ones three times a day, adding my own list of names.  Unfortunately my list has become much shorter lately and not due to the patients' recovery. 
 
I am sure that many of you, just like me, receive many emails and requests to pray on behalf a sick person who is a total stranger.  Does it really work?  Do we really believe that praying on behalf of someone we do not know can make a difference?
 
There were actually some experiments performed, as part of extensive scientific research  conducted a few years ago, that showed very clearly that the answer is no. Patients on whose behalf people prayed did not show any advantage over their friends on whose behalf no one prayed.  However, this scientific empirical evidence does nothing for our faith and spirituality.

No one can really know the effectiveness of a prayer, or the criteria necessary to make it effective.  There are two approaches: one claims that praying on behalf of someone else is benefiting the person who prays as a form of education, to illustrate humility, sympathy and compassion.  The other approach claims that when we pray for others we can "influence" God and therefore, the "harder" or "better" we pray, the greater the likelihood that there is a chance for our own prayers to be answered.  Many pray on behalf of others, thinking that their own needs might be better met.  Perhaps it is just a lesson in conpassion and altruism. 
It says in the Talmud, in the tractate of Baba Kama: "he who prays on behalf of his friend and he himself is in need for the same thing, he will be answered." We see a proof text in the book of Genesis; in parashat Vayera, Avraham is praying on behalf of Avimelech so his wives could give birth while Avraham himself was yearning for a child, and wanted nothing more at the time than to have an heir.  In his comprehensive commentary, Rashi interprets that the story was included, preciesly to teach us that principle.
It seems clear that the quality of prayer, so to speak, is better if we personally know the individual on whose behalf we pray. Therefore, in my opinion, reciting a tefilah on behalf of a total stranger probably doesn't have much "power," or effectiveness, and it is immaterial whether that power is generated by the the davener or on the person on whose behalf we're praying.

 It is extremely dangerous to draw a direct connection between our prayers and the outcome. A few years ago we saw that danger become a reality.  Thousands of people went through (and many of them are still in the midst of) a real spiritual crisis during the time of the Israeli disengagement from Gaza and Gush Katif. For many months they have prayed, their Rabbis promised them that praying would overturn government's decision. As you recall, those prayers were not answered and as a result, many innocents, young and old alike, lost their faith. 
 
We must not think that our prayers were not answered or were not delivered properly if the end result is not what we hopped for.  Yehuda Waxman, the father of the kidnapped and murdered soldier, Nachshon Waxman, was asked how he felt facing the death of his son, yet knowing that hundreds of thousands of Jews prayed for his safe return.  He said that God is like a parent and sometimes no is also an answer.  We mere humans can never really know the ways of God.
 
May all our prayers be always answered.
 
Shabbat Shalom from the Stamford brunch in Jerusalem.
 
Cantor Arik Wollheim
 

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